I really wonder how my life gonna be in future.
I'm so envy when I knew my fren happily accept proposal from her 7 years bf. the proposal was just fantastic. I believe no girl will say no in her case.They gotta hav their wedding in next year. I so envy when she told me how they going to hav their wedding. Both of them start the plan.

Why i'm so envy? I gotta hav mine next month. Yet i dun feel happy. Why? I felt that the event was solely on my own. He got no any concern about the wedding. I plan n execute. He will only follow when he is happy. When he is not happy then i gotta wait till he happy. why i put myself in such fucking hell situation. I could hav say 'no' in the very early stage. I lead myself to such fucking situation n i HATE it.

I really hate myself to agree on the marriage. Is not that i dun luv him. I just felt he is that the guy suitale for a marriage life. I cann't felt the luv. Not even a single drop of luv. why? why is me? why i gotta lead this kind of life? what can i do? Say no n sign on sepration? i can do that but what will my family think n what will other ppl think of my family?