silence of the night

It has been weeks since i saw the cards. It is no big deals to many ppls eyes though. But somehow all the sentence were still in my mind, it haunted me time to time.

Perhaps I'm very much in luv with u to the extent i cann't get myself to believe u r treating other girls much much more better than me? Sound paranoid? Thats me, a typical sensitive, insecure and lack of confidence girl.

Perhaps i'm too clingy on u that i forgot how my life was b4 knowing u. I got over sensitive on ur act and talk to me. Even a simple remark can lead me to certain degree of depress without ur knowledge.

I guess is time for me to start to learn back the life b4 i knew u.. to learn to be independent again...

I really wish i can be as 'bo chap' as u. =)

I really wonder how my life gonna be in future.
I'm so envy when I knew my fren happily accept proposal from her 7 years bf. the proposal was just fantastic. I believe no girl will say no in her case.They gotta hav their wedding in next year. I so envy when she told me how they going to hav their wedding. Both of them start the plan.

Why i'm so envy? I gotta hav mine next month. Yet i dun feel happy. Why? I felt that the event was solely on my own. He got no any concern about the wedding. I plan n execute. He will only follow when he is happy. When he is not happy then i gotta wait till he happy. why i put myself in such fucking hell situation. I could hav say 'no' in the very early stage. I lead myself to such fucking situation n i HATE it.

I really hate myself to agree on the marriage. Is not that i dun luv him. I just felt he is that the guy suitale for a marriage life. I cann't felt the luv. Not even a single drop of luv. why? why is me? why i gotta lead this kind of life? what can i do? Say no n sign on sepration? i can do that but what will my family think n what will other ppl think of my family?